All I Really Want is For You to be Happy

As I'm watching Vh1 Soul Player, the next video in rotationis Mary J Blige's All I Really Want.  It got me thinking about the dude I've been talking to for the past three months.  I've known this guy for years and when I say years, I mean he knew me before college.  We met after our parents started dating and at the time, I wasn't into boys, but as I entered puberty, I became attracted to him, and for some reason, throughout the years, that attraction has never wavered.  Our relationship has been off and on since my later high school years and his early college years (he's two years older than me).  Like all relationships, there were good and bad times, but in my eyes, the bad outweighed the good.  I put a halt to all communication for about two years, until he hit me up one summer and asked me out to lunch.  We reconnected, but I was in a relationship, as was he, and again, I put a stop to any communication between us.  A year later, we rendezvous again.  This time, it seemed that he was going to be more than a little persistent in gaining and holding my attention.  Fast forward 9 months and we're both in NC at a Chili's discussing our thoughts, perceptions, and goals that we have for ourselves and each other.  Somehow, this dude has achieved one goal, me discarding the distrust I felt for him.

So here we are three months later, and I'm disheartened to say that after all the trial and error we had with one another, I don't think we're going to work out. We are in two different stages in our lives and although I would love to share my life with him, I don't think it's possible.  I'm in grad school in Indiana and I know exactly where I want to be in 5 years.  He's in NC just starting a graduate program and he's not even sure if the program that he's doing is going to be of use to him in life.  Our views on education, money, and life are vastly different.  Usually, "opposites attract" is my motto, but for us it seems to divide us more than allow us to appreciate each other for our unique ideals.  And the thing that bugs me most is the fact that he wants me to change who I am to be the person that he thinks will compliment him most. That's a huge commitment I'm not willing to make.

The fact of the matter is that long distance relationships almost never works.  There's no way that I'm able to be any closer to NC than I am now and frankly, I don't know if I want to be.  This is a case where I was more in love with the idea of him than I was him.  Even through all of our arguments and disagreements, all I really want is for him to be happy.

It's Your Birthday, It's Your World

Yesterday was one of my closest friends in Bloomington's birthdays.  As soon as I hop out of my bed I will venture over to Wal-Mart and buy her a lot of crappy romance comedy movies, tie them in a bow, and present them to her at her birthday dinner tonight at some Thai restaurant in Indianapolis (the big city!).  It didn't take me long to figure out what to get her for her birthday because I've been hanging out with her the past year and I've gotten to know what she likes and doesn't like.  But being a graduate student on a relatively tight budget, I had to think of what she would like, on what I can afford.  This is how I came to my decision:

We all have our quirks, likes, dislikes, and embarrassing fetishes.  For instance, I LOVE Michael Jackson.  I will sit and watch his videos all day long, listen to his music, and recite the lines to The Jacksons: an American Dream scene for scene.  So for my birthday, knowing me and my quirks, she bought me a Michael Jackson calendar.  I didn't necessarily want a MJ calendar, but I can't pass up some good MJ photos.  Ayesha, on the other hand loves to watch crappy romance comedies.  I love RomCom just as much as anyone else, but I only like the good ones: The Holiday, Pride and Prejudice, and Valentine's Day are some of my favorites.  So over the past few months she's asked me and a some mutual friends to accompany her to the moveis to see Bounty Hunter, Marley and Me, and The Backup Plan.  None of these movies struck my fancy, so I kindly (and at times not so kindly) declined Ayesha's invitations.

Because Wal-Mart has such a good deal on old movies that they still have in stock and a good amount of them seem to be RomComs that's the idea I got to give Ayesha for her birthday. The only thing that has procrastinated me from hopping right over to Wally World is that I have to ride the bus : (

Ohhhh SNAP!!

This fall, I'm entering my second year in graduate school.  As many people know, college students are often broke due to a limited income and excessive spending on increasing tuition and fees, books, food, and other necessities required to live independently in an academic environment.  There are many tips and strategies on every blog, website, university campus on how college students can make money and live on a frugal budget such as cooking more than restaurant hopping, buying necessities in bulk, purchasing store brand products, and bartering for slightly used products.  All that is fine and dandy, but the reality is, the economy sucks and students expenses are increasing at an alarming rate that differs drastically from just five years ago.

Due to some legislation that the Obama administration has implemented as a result of the current economic crisis, there's a federal program that has had an increase in activity, especially by college students. Some of my fellow graduate students at various universities began taking full advantage of the SNAP program commonly known as Food Stamps. Although this program has evolved from the days of carrying physical stamps that are traded in at the check out counter to electronic debit cards that resemble debit or credit cards, critics and users of the program still harbor emotions that stigmatize the program and its users.  Graduate and even undergraduate students understand that they are the most privileged population in America and find it embarrassing that they participate in the program.  In addition, many taxpayers feel that students are lazy and should be working while in school to pay for food instead of relying on others.

Should students take part in this program?  The fact of the matter is, the money is there and if needed, students shouldn't be ashamed to take advantage of the program.  But I understand students don't want to encounter looks from grocer associates at the check out counter while they're chatting it up on that new iPhone 4.

I Was Attacked By Some Idiots in the Projects

So by now we all know the story of Antoine Dodson and his family who live in some projects in Alabama. I originally saw the newsreel of Antoine and Co on World Star Hip Hop (WSHH) and immediately thought, "my people, my people."  Dodson's flamboyant nature was an embarrassment to me.  I thought why does the media always portray black people in such a negative light?  Regardless, a few days later I see that two white young men took the news segment and attached it to some music with a nice beat and turned the segment into a catchy song.  I couldn't get enough of the song.  Then a few days later, to my surprise I'm looking on Facebook and a friend posts a link of my alma mater, North Carolina A&T State University's Blue & Gold Marching Machine playing the "Bed Intruder Song."  I was curious as to what is was so I clicked on the link and lo and behold, the song that made the Gregory's and Dodson a viral sensation was being played by the BGMM.  This clip instantly reminded me of the reason why I love A&T and why we Aggies are the best in the nation.

There has been talk about whether we should be outraged about two white guys taking something so serious and making light of a recurrent issue.  I think that this viral sensation brings awareness to an issue that so many are ignorant to. Conversely, what I do have a problem with is Dodson capitalizing on this incident.  Any business man will tell you that this is a smart move on the part of Dodson because the world is now cognizant of his situation and are willing to donate money through iTunes and various other formats.  But I'm concerned as to what he was doing to get out of the hood before the world knew his name and what his hair looked like.  Was he just as concerned with ridding himself of the negative environment a week before the news clip aired? Or did he just happen to find the treasure at the end of the rainbow? I'm not donating any money to him or his family; we'll see where he is in six months.

Here's the clip of the now infamous song played by the magnificent BGMM:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3UsvLyu3N0&playnext=1&videos=81DrFPVjHnc&feature=recentlik

Also check out the band: http://www.marchingmachine.com/

And the university: http://www.ncat.edu/

If You Get a Roommate, I'll Cosign For You

It was July fifth when I was leaving Nashville (TN) heading back to Bloomington (IN) after a weekend in North Carolina.  I left my cousin, who was also my host, riding off into the sunset after we cruised and walked the downtown area of Nashville.  I stopped through Krispy Kreme to order a dozen original glazed donuts since Indiana only has one KK in the state and apparently nobody knows where it's located.  After filling up my tank, I finally got on the road. After 3 hours into my 5 hour ride, my 1997 Mazda Protege started to slow down.  I pulled over to the side of the road wondering what was wrong and as soon as I did, it cut off and consequently began to smoke. 

I'm thinking, it's cool, I'll just call AAA, they'll bring out some oil, and I'll be on my merry little way.  Here's what REALLY happened.  I finally got home at 4:30 in the AM after two 100 mile tows.  I found out the next day that it would take $1600 to fix all the things that was wrong with the trusty steed I had for the past five years in addition to the $100 it cost to get the car towed to the mechanic and the cost of the diagnostic test.  This thought devastated me.  Not only because the car was worth less than $400 but also because now, I was stuck in a state where I had no relatives with no means of RELIABLE transportation.  How was I going to get to work? Where was I going to get money from to pay for a new car? How am I going to get to the grocery store? 

This is when my relationship with the Bloomington Transit System transformed from a fleeting romance in between classes to a serious courtship in which BTS and I frequently rendezvous all over town.  I had to maneuver my way from home to work, the library, and the grocery store.  During my many hours of labor riding the bus I realized that trying to get around this town, or any town on public transit is hard work. By the time I arrived to work, I was already exhausted and with good reason.  If I needed to be at work by 8, I often had to leave my apt by 7, switch buses at the downtown depot, get off at a stop, and then walk the rest of the way to work.  I've had to do this the past month with the two jobs that I have.  Luckily, tomorrow, I will be getting a new(er) car!!

My hat's off to those of you who have a long term relationship with any form of public transportation.  This country, southern chick won't be experiencing anything like this anytime soon.  Or at least I like to think that. 

You Shouldn't Date Outside Your Race

 My biggest problem with Dr. Laura Schlessinger's comments to that caller who was in an interracial relationship was not that she used the word Nigger/Nigga one too many times, but was the fact that she tried to give botched advice to a woman who was genuinely concerned for her relationships with her husband, his friends, and his family.

For one, Dr. Schlessinger is not a minority, she is a middle-aged white woman with advanced education and a nationally recognized syndicated radio talk show. Why she felt that she could legitimately tell a woman who felt uncomfortable in situations that she was too sensitive is beyond me. I do believe that some of us in the black community are quick to throw the race card when we feel violated, threatened, or disrespected, but clearly this woman wanted to find a way to rectify the situation.

Everyone has different experiences in their lives and react uniquely to situations and circumstances. It so happened that this black woman fell in love with that white man and his family and friends (unknowingly or knowingly) make comments in which she's out of her comfort zone. Yes, growth occurs outside our normal comfort zones, and yes, this woman should have known that she would face difficulties in her relationship with this man, but does that give Dr. S the right to tell her that she shouldn't date outside her race? I think not.

Moral of the story? Black people STOP calling each other Nigger/Nigga if you don't want those outside of the black community to use it. Instead let's use "sister," "brother," "my woman," "my man," etc as terms of endearment. And if you're not strong enough to withstand the backlash that is associated with any group, ideal, or value that may not be deemed "acceptable" in the United States, think twice before entering into such a commitment.

Here's the transcript to her entire rant: http://emptysuit.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/dr-laura-schlesingers-nigger-rant-transcript/

Woah! What Happened?

So, I'm deviating from my experiences in graduate school to talk about an issue that comes up constantly in the black community and, consequently, my life: The issue of hair and how black women should wear it.

According to some of my colleagues and friends, mainly male friends, black men are not a fan of black women cutting off their permed hair and growing their hair out naturally. I'm not sure of what started this trend of black women going natural, maybe it was Chris Rock's Good Hair, or maybe it was me (I was one of the first chicks on NCA&T's campus to rock a natural back in '06). Whatever the reason, I have a HUGE problem with MEN dictating to WOMEN what they should do with their hair.

I initially cut off my permed hair that I kept done on the regular because I was tired of waking up before my 8am classes to curl my hair and make sure it was LAID. So I cut my hair right after I completed my freshman year wanting to get dreads. Eventually, I stuck with the afro. Since then there have been many comments from facebook, twitter, and personally to my face about the problems that men have with this new hairstyle. What I DON'T understand is why it's so offensive for black women to wear their hair the way it grows out of their head? Why does any woman have to spend upwards of $60 for a relaxer that burns the scalp? Why do men feel they have any say so over the woman that they want to date, they're in a relationship with, or are just having casual relations with?

Although there have been comments stating that all black women can't rock the natural is that truly the case? Or is it really that in order to rock any style you have to have confidence? With men, and occasionally women, is there any chance for women to wear their hair naturally without feeling as if they're making a huge mistake? Some of the comments that I got as soon as I returned to A&T for my sophomore year from male friends included, "Woah! What happened?" "Natalie, you would get a lot more guys if you permed your hair;" and "I don't understand why you girls are going natural. Isn't it natural for you to comb your hair?" I was shocked and hurt by all these comments and more that I've heard from others that was not necessarily directed towards me.

Women don't tell men how to wear their hair, what to wear, or what their body shape should look like. Why is it men feel that they are entitled to give their opinion to women who may or may not care? If women shared their thoughts with men, feelings would definitely be hurt. So next time you want to give some advice about something that's natural, I'd advise you to kindly shut the fuck up.

Today is the day for firm decisions! Perhaps...

Yesterday I said I was working on my productivity level. Well, today I acted upon that. I did my morning ritual of eating, cleaning, and grooming. I boarded the bus downtown, hit the library, and headed to my last stop of the day before going home, the grocery store. Kroger on the west side to be exact. I had to get all of the groceries I needed, check out, and report back to the bus stop within thirty minutes or else, I would be obligated to wait thirty minutes for the next one coming. This was one of the most difficult tasks I've ever done! The $35 worth of groceries I purchased were stuffed in the two recyclable grocery bags I try to remember to take with me shopping and my book bag. Yet in still, they were so heavy three hours later, my shoulders and back are still throbbing.

My experience has greatly increased my will to find a job, make some money, and buy a car so I won't have to do this on a regular basis. My hat's off to those of you who use public transportation as a means more than this priviledged college student who only rides from her apartment to campus.

"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours!

This. Right. Here. Is. MY. SWAG! There are many days when I get up, eat breakfast, and perform my daily grooming rituals and then think I'm going to put in a full 8 hours of work. That could include reading, writing, research or completing tedious, yet necessary French skills. But instead of immediately catching the bus to head to my graduate student carrel on the 9th floor of Herman B. Wells Library, by the time I'm finished with my daily routine, I'm "tired." Not that I've done anything particularly tiring, cause it's something I do everyday, but I've gotten out of my productivity mode because it took me 15 minutes to brush my teeth and wash my face instead of 10 and I've missed the bus so now I have to wait 30 mins until the next one comes.

This happens way too often and I vow that I will change my ways as I continue to do work this summer and carry on into the upcoming semester.

Word Swarm

If you can't convince them, confuse them.