All I Really Want is For You to be Happy

As I'm watching Vh1 Soul Player, the next video in rotationis Mary J Blige's All I Really Want.  It got me thinking about the dude I've been talking to for the past three months.  I've known this guy for years and when I say years, I mean he knew me before college.  We met after our parents started dating and at the time, I wasn't into boys, but as I entered puberty, I became attracted to him, and for some reason, throughout the years, that attraction has never wavered.  Our relationship has been off and on since my later high school years and his early college years (he's two years older than me).  Like all relationships, there were good and bad times, but in my eyes, the bad outweighed the good.  I put a halt to all communication for about two years, until he hit me up one summer and asked me out to lunch.  We reconnected, but I was in a relationship, as was he, and again, I put a stop to any communication between us.  A year later, we rendezvous again.  This time, it seemed that he was going to be more than a little persistent in gaining and holding my attention.  Fast forward 9 months and we're both in NC at a Chili's discussing our thoughts, perceptions, and goals that we have for ourselves and each other.  Somehow, this dude has achieved one goal, me discarding the distrust I felt for him.

So here we are three months later, and I'm disheartened to say that after all the trial and error we had with one another, I don't think we're going to work out. We are in two different stages in our lives and although I would love to share my life with him, I don't think it's possible.  I'm in grad school in Indiana and I know exactly where I want to be in 5 years.  He's in NC just starting a graduate program and he's not even sure if the program that he's doing is going to be of use to him in life.  Our views on education, money, and life are vastly different.  Usually, "opposites attract" is my motto, but for us it seems to divide us more than allow us to appreciate each other for our unique ideals.  And the thing that bugs me most is the fact that he wants me to change who I am to be the person that he thinks will compliment him most. That's a huge commitment I'm not willing to make.

The fact of the matter is that long distance relationships almost never works.  There's no way that I'm able to be any closer to NC than I am now and frankly, I don't know if I want to be.  This is a case where I was more in love with the idea of him than I was him.  Even through all of our arguments and disagreements, all I really want is for him to be happy.